I feel mad.
A little bit confused.
And somewhat like I'm in back in 7th grade again.
I have a friend who I used to talk to all the time. Fantastic, uninhibited conversations that come with a really special friendship. We would laugh at silly inside jokes until tears rolled down our faces and then turn right around and plumb the depths of our hearts.
Then we didn't get to talk to for a few months, and I was so excited when I finally got to talk to her again. I felt like I was standing there with a huge bunch of balloons and a chocolate cake, jumping up and down, waiting for the party to start up again! But instead of the party starting up again, I got a kiss on the cheek and a hug as she looked over my shoulder and waved at the table full of "popular" kids. Then, with a "Hey, let's have lunch sometime", she was gone again, off to their table. (See why I said I feel like I'm in 7th grade?)
And now I'm sitting here, with my wilted balloons and stale chocolate cake, wondering why. Wondering if it's something about me or something about her. Wondering if it's better to fight for the friendship or just let it go and be happy for the conversations that we had. Wondering if I'm being too selfish.